Thank you for writing to us! I understand that the situation for you at home is difficult. Not only have you moved from another country and surely left many important parts of your life behind. But when you do not feel welcome in your new home, that is very sad to hear. The decision of moving to Norway was probably not yours - it was your mom's. And it is very important for me to emphasize, that it is the grown-ups - the parents, that are responsible for the situation at home. You did not choose this! It is your mom and your stepfather that should take responsibility for your well-being, and they should do everything they can to make you feel safe and calm, and happy here in you new life. They chose something for the whole family, so they must work hard to make everybody - including the children - feel good in their new situation. This will probably cost a lot of effort for them but that is the price one have to pay when starting a new life with a new partner who already have children.
It is typical that parents - when finding new partners, get so caught up in their own love-life, that they forget to check upon their children to see if they're allright. Do you think your mom know how you feel about your step-father, and how he hurts you? She should know this! It is wise to tell her, in a way that doesn't accuse him but in a way that describes your feelings and how this affects you. Do you think you can do this and that your mom will listen? Then, she can talk to your stepfather. And maybe you can join the talk if you feel comfortable about it.
You ask for advice. Normally, I give pretty detailed information about what to do and what to say to their parents, when young people write to us and ask for help in these matters. But I must admit that it is difficult for me to write good about this topic in english. I am sorry about that! So I will tell you where you can go and who to contact. And I hope you will take advantage of that.
In your school, there is something called a helsesøster. You have probably heard of it? Her job is to help the students with their physical and emotional health. She is confidential so she won't talk to anybody about what you tell her. You can visit her during the schoolday. She is in your school every week, at specific days. She is a good person to talk to. First of all, she can listen to you and how you feel, and help you find ways to feel better and how to approach the problems at home. And second, she can invite your mom - and maybe also your stepfather - for a talk. Sometimes, it is good to get some help for these kind of talks. And helsesøster can be a good help. If she is not the right one to help you, she has a good overview of the system in your community/hometown, so she can help you find the right place to contact. For example a family-care center. They also offer family therapy and help with famile-conversations, when things get all locked up and difficult at home and when the children are hurting.
Under here, I have linked a few articles about my suggestions for you. They are in norwegian but I hope you will find a way to translate. Maybe some of your friends or classmates can help you. And then, at the same time, you can talk to them as well, about your problems. Maybe they can give support also, and some good advice? I bet some of them have experienced some of the same things as you. It is not an unusal family-problem, I tell you that!
I wish you the best of luck here in Norway and in your new home. I really hope that your mom and stepfather take the responsibility for you and do more to make you feel safe and calm here. And it is good to hear that you have your sister and grand-mom here as well. I hope they give you support, love and comfort. Take care!
Vennlig hilsen familieterapeuten