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I need help to get out of an Islamic marriage!

Jente 20 år
 

Spørsmål

I need help to get out of an Islamic (religious) marriage! I am a female, Sunni Moslem living in a Scandinavian country. I met my husband when we both lived in another western country. We fell in love – and entered into an Islamic marriage. We have two children together. During the time of our marriage, my husband and I have hardly lived together. He partly left me with his relatives, partly left me alone. He has never supported me or our children financially, I have had to seek work to finance the life of me and our children. The children has been living with me all the time. The love their father, but they barely know him. We never married in the way prescribed neither in my former nor my current country. From a western and legal point of view, I am a single mother. I also live as such. I prefer to think about my husband as my ex-husband. He lives in another country, as he has done most of the years we have been married. The feelings I once had for him has been gone for a very long time. The only connection we still have is our children. Whereas we are not married in a legally binding way, I know I can choose to ignore the Islamic marriage and pretend that never took place. But that is not the path I want to choose: Wanting to be a good Moslem, I want to divorce my husband in an Islamic acceptable way. I want to go on with my life, currently I live in limbo. When trying to talk to other Moslems about my problems, they tell me that my husband still loves me – and say I’ve got to give him another chance. That is too late now. He has had several years to prove his love, there has been enough of chances. There is nothing more to negotiate. I simply want to get out – and to go on with my life. My husband says he loves me and that he refuse to give me divorce. He has had several years to show his love, but he never did. Our only contact now are phone calls when he checks upon me (”-What are you doing?” “-Who are you meeting?”) - and wants to talk to our children. If I do not answer the phone, he asks his friend to call me instead. My husband calls me horrible things on the phone. At one stage I considered handing the children over to him in exchange for a divorce, but ended up deciding against it: Our children has spent all their life in western countries, and adapts well to the society where we lives. They shall not be forced to live in a Moslem country until they grow old enough to decide for themselves. -What do I do? -Please help me to get my Islamic divorce! -This life in limbo makes me crazy! I have contemplated suicide to get away from it all. My responsibilities towards my children has kept me from doing it. So far. I pray for a quick answer.

Dette spørsmålet og svaret er mer enn ett år gammelt. Endringer i lovverk og regelverk kan ha skjedd etter den tid.
 

Svar
Hi

I understand that you are disappointed and sad! Your husband is not treating you right and he hurts you and the kids in the way he is absent and not giving you the care that you deserve.

You are right. Here in Scandinavia or in Norway you will be seen as a single mum. The marriage is not valid in Norway, and you are not considered married. According to Norwegian law you can not get an official divorce.

But it is also true that according to Islam and sharia, you may be considered married, and an Islamic divorce may feel necessary. We are aware of this kind of dilemma in Norway, still we doesn't have an public authority that can give you a divorce.

I think the best thing for you to do is to contact the assistance agencies in the country you live, and tell them about you problem. They might be able to give you support and advice. It is hard for you to carry the heavy burden by yourself, especially when you have your children to care about as well.

I hope you will find a sollution!

Maybe a mosque or an Imam can give you some advice on how to get a Islamic divorce? In Norway maybe Islamsk Råd Norge can give you advice? You must describe like you did here at ung.no how your husband has mistreated you, been absent and not supporting you and your children financially for years.

I wish you good luck!

all the best

The Expert Team against Forced Marriage and Female Genital Mutilation in cooperation with ung.no

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