I’ve not been in any romantic relationship

Thank you so much for writing to us at ung.no.

You are writing because you are now debating whether you should move back to your native country or keep put here in Norway. The reason being that you are worried that you might not find love here in Norway. This is not something you imagined for your adolescence, and this worries you so much that moving back is now under serious consideration. 

You write that you moved to Norway with your parents two years ago, and you found it hard to find friends and you spent most of your time at school by yourself. I am sorry you had this experience, it must have been very stressful and painful for you. It makes me extra glad to hear that your are finding your current location a lot better in terms of fitting in. 

I find your hope for experiencing love a very good and normal hope. You are not alone in hoping to experience this, and you are not alone in not having had a girlfriend by the age of 19. Being in love, and exploring romantic relationships is an exciting and normal part of being an adolescent. The thing about hope, is that it tends to work a lot better when you put an effort into making it come true. Following this logic, I would wish for you that before you make your decision about whether to move back or not, you would have made some attempts to establish a romantic relationship. 

I would recommend you to talk to your friends about your hope of finding a girlfriend. By talking to somebody about one´s hopes and dreams, might have a positive ripple effect. It manifests your hope in the real world, which might make you more devoted to put more real life effort into achieving this hope. You can talk to your friends, and ask about their hopes concerning boyfriends and/or girlfriends, and you can ask for advice on how to respectfully approach a person that has caught your interest. You can also ask your friends about their experiences with how to tell whether a shy girl is interested in you. Maybe they have some good insights into this.

If you already are interested in a girl, you can ask for advice on how to get in touch with her. You can also ask her out on a date if you like. The worst reply you can get is a "no", and at least you will know that she is not interested. Your friends can also help integrate you further into your school´s social network, so that you don´t feel so much of an outsider. For some people, an outsider might be just the quality that puts your apart from the rest! You can explore other social scenes, for instance by taking up a hobby. There you can expand your social network and get in touch with girls that share your interests. You can also reach out to the community of immigrants from your native country, most of the larger cities have one. If you are finding culture a major contributor to why you have not been able to establish a relationship, it might feel safer for some to start exploring this venue as you know better how to relate to others.

You can also talk to your social teacher, the school nurse (helsesøster) or the Health Centre for Adolescents (Helsestasjon for ungdom) in your municipality about your difficulties and that it makes you consider moving. They are experienced in listening to adolescents who struggle, and will give you support and advice on how to work on this. 

Lastly, I have attached an article about taking the first step when you are in love. I do not know how strong your Norwegian skills are, but hopefully you will be able to pick up some good advice from this article.

I hope that you received some useful insights into your dilemma, and I wish you the best of luck, now and for the future. Take care,