Do I have a say in which of my parents I want to live with?

Jente, 16

My mom and dad are separating, me and my brother are going to stay home with dad and my mom will stay with us when dad is at work. I absolutely hate living with him. He’s not a terrible person but I just don’t want to be around him and I wish he would just go get some milk. He works for 2 weeks and stays home for a month, it’s so unfair that he gets to be here for a month and mom only gets 2 weeks. I absolutely love my mom and im so sad, angry, and frustrated that she’s not here with me. I know I can visit her but it’s not the same. Him being here is effecting my mental health and I’m trying so hard not to hurt my self, I want to do it so badly, so I can show them how much I hate living like this. It’s been half a year now and I still don’t have any of my questions answered, it’s so hard to be myself now. I’m so angry that they are controlling my life by taking things away from me and not letting me have any control whatsoever. It’s MY LIFE I should also have a say in this situation.

Svar

Hi!

Fra juristen:

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with your parents´ separation.

Children have a fundamental right to participate and be heard in decisions that affect them, including where they live and who they live with. This is stated in the Act relating to Children and Parents (the Children Act or barnelova) section 31.

Before decisions are taken concerning personal matters affecting the child, parents must provide the child with information and opportunities to express their opinions. When the child has reached the age of 12 or older, the opinion of the child shall be given significant weight. This means that your parents are required to listen to your opinions, and since you are 16 years old, your opinion will have significant weight.

When your parents are making decisions about who you are living with, they have to make a decision based on what is in your best interest. Listening to your opinions is an essential part of finding out what is in your best interest.

If you try talking to your parents about what you want and how you feel, and they don’t take your opinions into considerations, you can contact the Family counselling services (familievernkontoret). They are used to helping children and families in similar situations, and you can contact them yourself for free. You can find information on how to contact the Family counselling services on this page.

You can also contact the Child Welfare Services (barnevernet) for help. Contact information can be found on this page.

Fra familieterapeut:

As juristen says, you have the right to be heard.

It is also important that your parents get some insight into how you are feeling, even if they may not fully understand everything right away. One suggestion is to start by talking to your mother.

It might help to make some agreements about meeting her during the weeks your father is living with you.

When it comes to hurting yourself, it sounds like you are carrying a lot of pain. Some people get thoughts about self-harm when life feels overwhelming and difficult. If these thoughts become stronger, it’s important to seek help. One option is to talk to your general practitioner — everyone has a GP. You can also talk to a nurse or a doctor at a youth health clinic.

You may need to tell your parents how you’re feeling more than once. Don’t give up, even if things don’t get better right away.

If there are moments when you feel unsafe, you can always call the Alarm Phone for Children and Young People at 116 111.

Good luck. You are always welcome to write to us again.

Hilsen juristen, ung.no

Vennlig hilsen familieterapeut, ung.no

Besvart: 27.4.2026