My parents are divorced – can I decide where I want to live?

Jente, 17

hello. my parents are divorced and have been for years. I switch between homes every week so one week at moms then one week at dads. I've always hated this, but I'm not allowed to choose where I stay until I'm 18. I feel as if I'm an object being passed between two people unable to say or do anything about it. I've spoken to adults around me and I've tried everything, but nothing changes.. my question is can divorced parents affect the development of a child or cause later issues in life? I have read about divorced parents can lead to fear of abandonment and difficulties in future relationships, but how does moving houses so often effect someone in adulthood for example? because I have a hard time with it and I want to know if theres any problems that can come from this since I wanna better understand what I'm going through. please let me know the effects of this

Svar

Hello

It sounds really hard to move between homes every week and feel like you have no say. I understand that it can feel like you’re being passed back and forth without control.

Even if you’re not 18 yet, you do have the right to be heard about where you want to live. This right is written in the Norwegian Children Act (Barneloven). Parents should listen to your wishes and can make new agreements if something isn’t working.

Moving often between two homes can be stressful. Some young people feel like they never fully settle or relax, and that can affect how safe they feel later. Others do fine if they get enough care, support and stability from their parents. The most important thing is that you feel safe and listened to.

If it’s hard to talk to your parents, you can contact a Family Counselling Office (Familievernkontor). They are used to helping young people and families in situations like this, and you can contact them yourself for free.

The effects of divorce and moving back and forth between homes can vary. For most young people it turns out fine to have divorced parents, but for some it can create a sense of insecurity that they carry with them later in life.

It can help to talk to someone about how you’re feeling — that can actually protect you and make things easier to handle. You can talk to the school nurse (helsesykepleier) at your school, or at a Youth Health Clinic (helsestasjon for ungdom). And you’re always welcome to write to us again.

Good luck!

Vennlig hilsen familieterapeut, ung.no

Besvart: 16.10.2025